The pain gap...

Between what you have, and what you want, there is a 'pain gap'. So long as you're focused on what you don't have, there is internal agony. Yet, isn't this sense of lack a productive one, in that it drives us all to be better? Is that what's really at the core of the dreams we chase? The fear of mediocrity?

Looking back in my own life, the times when I was really prompted to make a big and sudden change was when I was near or at rock bottom. Once you cross that threshold, you fold your cards and say I have to change - the alternative is too painful. Without having gone through some of the hardships that I have had, I don't know if I'd be better or worse. You learn a great deal when you're beaten down, but at the same time, there is a price to pay. Not all scars completely heal, especially if they're self-inflicted.

Things seemed so clear to me before. I knew why I would get up early every morning, and why I had to put quality into everything I did. Nowadays, I'm not so sure and it frightens me. I feel so reckless, and it shows. I thought by now I'd know better... My life is passing me by, and my mantra is that I have no fear anymore, but really that's a lie. I can honestly say that hard work, persistence, blood sweat and tears and all that crap is not an issue... I don't know anything other than hard work.. But now I need a reason.