Between what you have, and what you want, there is a 'pain gap'. So long as you're focused on what you don't have, there is internal agony. Yet, isn't this sense of lack a productive one, in that it drives us all to be better? Is that what's really at the core of the dreams we chase? The fear of mediocrity?
Looking back in my own life, the times when I was really prompted to make a big and sudden change was when I was near or at rock bottom. Once you cross that threshold, you fold your cards and say I have to change - the alternative is too painful. Without having gone through some of the hardships that I have had, I don't know if I'd be better or worse. You learn a great deal when you're beaten down, but at the same time, there is a price to pay. Not all scars completely heal, especially if they're self-inflicted.
Things seemed so clear to me before. I knew why I would get up early every morning, and why I had to put quality into everything I did. Nowadays, I'm not so sure and it frightens me. I feel so reckless, and it shows. I thought by now I'd know better... My life is passing me by, and my mantra is that I have no fear anymore, but really that's a lie. I can honestly say that hard work, persistence, blood sweat and tears and all that crap is not an issue... I don't know anything other than hard work.. But now I need a reason.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Keane coming to Toronto
I just found out that Keane is coming to Toronto May 23. Definitely going to go (just bought two tickets - who to bring.. hmmm...). I love these guys. I've always wanted to see them live. If you've never heard of them, they're a British band. What makes them unique is that they have no guitarist - the band is composed only of a vocalist, drummer, and an amazing pianist.
March 19 trades
I was fortunately able to get out of my FAZ position (out at @29.36) which was deeply underwater when the markets opened. I suppose today's pullback was pretty predictable - so much bullishness, but at the end of the day, it looked for a moment that the bulls would regain some ground.
I'm embarassed to admit, but I was hoping to make a short trade out of FAS at the end of the day, but I was just gambling and so I deserved the beating I received. The last few minutes were especially painful. I didn't have a good feel of the market today at all, and I should have stayed out. I have no idea where we are going, and the sudden shifts of momentum in the financials are astounding. If you're on the wrong side, you get run over.
Well - I live to fight another day.
I'm embarassed to admit, but I was hoping to make a short trade out of FAS at the end of the day, but I was just gambling and so I deserved the beating I received. The last few minutes were especially painful. I didn't have a good feel of the market today at all, and I should have stayed out. I have no idea where we are going, and the sudden shifts of momentum in the financials are astounding. If you're on the wrong side, you get run over.
Well - I live to fight another day.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Money money money....
I've been pouring money into my trading account, and burning it up just as fast. Actually, it's only been a handful of bad trades that killed me. As a newb, I made some trades that were obscene (using margin for 3X leveraged ETF not good idea.. lol).
I need to stay focused on not only building, but preserving capital. I've always been a bit of a spender, and not much of a saver. I'm single now, with no significant monthly outlays, and earning a salary that approaches six figures. Still, I've been rather poor at saving. I take after my father, but I won't allow myself to make the same mistakes. Still, it's difficult to fault him. He managed to put three children through University and provide for his family, even with the broken English of an immigrant. That's an accomplishment to be admired - I'll always be grateful towards him.
While trading is fun. We all do it for the money - it's the bottom line that we care about. Trading turns upside down some of my previous beliefs about money. I was taught that when you provide something of value to society, you are rewarded. When I make a trade, the value that I am giving in exchange to make a profit is the money itself. As a collective, I know investors are providing capital and liquidity, but as short-term traders we're just trying to exploit and arbitrage the markets.
Money isn't going to be my salvation. It would never be enough to make me feel content. The times in my life when I've felt most alive had absolutely nothing to do with money. It's those summer nights, when I've walked along the beach and gazed up at the moon. It's the laughs and intimate moments that I've shared with someone special. Those moments are priceless - they cannot be bought.
Money is just a means to an end. So I can keep a roof over my head, and take that vacation or two every year. So I can provide for my own family, whenever that day may come. These things are important - and I wouldn't ever suggest otherwise. I've seen firsthand the barriers of poverty in our society - it's reality. There are few, if any, virtues of being poor.
However, one thing in life is certain, we're all here on borrowed time. Whatever material possessions you own, you can't take with you. Living life is about having purpose and meaning, and achieving your potential as a man. Living with purpose is not mutually exclusive with becoming financially wealthy, and also not a requirement. Nobody cares if you're the richest man in the graveyard.
I need to stay focused on not only building, but preserving capital. I've always been a bit of a spender, and not much of a saver. I'm single now, with no significant monthly outlays, and earning a salary that approaches six figures. Still, I've been rather poor at saving. I take after my father, but I won't allow myself to make the same mistakes. Still, it's difficult to fault him. He managed to put three children through University and provide for his family, even with the broken English of an immigrant. That's an accomplishment to be admired - I'll always be grateful towards him.
While trading is fun. We all do it for the money - it's the bottom line that we care about. Trading turns upside down some of my previous beliefs about money. I was taught that when you provide something of value to society, you are rewarded. When I make a trade, the value that I am giving in exchange to make a profit is the money itself. As a collective, I know investors are providing capital and liquidity, but as short-term traders we're just trying to exploit and arbitrage the markets.
Money isn't going to be my salvation. It would never be enough to make me feel content. The times in my life when I've felt most alive had absolutely nothing to do with money. It's those summer nights, when I've walked along the beach and gazed up at the moon. It's the laughs and intimate moments that I've shared with someone special. Those moments are priceless - they cannot be bought.
Money is just a means to an end. So I can keep a roof over my head, and take that vacation or two every year. So I can provide for my own family, whenever that day may come. These things are important - and I wouldn't ever suggest otherwise. I've seen firsthand the barriers of poverty in our society - it's reality. There are few, if any, virtues of being poor.
However, one thing in life is certain, we're all here on borrowed time. Whatever material possessions you own, you can't take with you. Living life is about having purpose and meaning, and achieving your potential as a man. Living with purpose is not mutually exclusive with becoming financially wealthy, and also not a requirement. Nobody cares if you're the richest man in the graveyard.
What a day...
I set a stop limit on my FAS for $6 as I had a lunch appointment, came back and found that it just touched and sold. I should have set it lower - as it closed above $7. Oh well.. Still profitable.
The RIFIN is at an interesting spot, and looks due for a pull back. I bought FAZ at the end of the day - pulled the gun too early ($29). Holding overnight, but if it opens red I will unload and take the loss. (note to self - stick to the game plan!!!!!)
The RIFIN is at an interesting spot, and looks due for a pull back. I bought FAZ at the end of the day - pulled the gun too early ($29). Holding overnight, but if it opens red I will unload and take the loss. (note to self - stick to the game plan!!!!!)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
FAS play
Early in the day bought 600 FAS @4.97. Making this play based on positive divergence (NASDAQ) and a bit on the news. So far it looks to be a green day, but as we know, anything can happen.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Dipping into FAZ
Just opened a small FAZ position @36.
Heavy resistance at 770 - and the negative divergence between the DOW and NASDAQ gives me the sense that a pull back is imminent.
Keeping a close eye on it with a tight stop in case things turn against me again.
Heavy resistance at 770 - and the negative divergence between the DOW and NASDAQ gives me the sense that a pull back is imminent.
Keeping a close eye on it with a tight stop in case things turn against me again.
Friday, March 13, 2009
I kept my word.
The one year anniversary of the break-up of my ex and I is coming up soon. I don't actually remember the exact date, but it's hard to forget someone you spent a decade with. We met in first year of Univ. and she pursued me for about a month. She did so many nice things for me while I lived in residence at school - I acted nonchalant about it, but I never had anyone treat me so well in my life (what a fool she was). It still brings a smile to my face when I think of those days, when she brought cookies to my dorm when I was hung over, and when her puny body carried up two flights of stairs a heavy TV and VCR with all the episodes of The Godfather for me to watch when I was bedridden with the flu. Was I ever lucky.
Our parting was difficult - she chose a career as a big shot corporate lawyer in London which put us continents apart, and slowly but surely things changed over the course of a year. It was a very difficult period for me - can't put into words how painful it was to let go of all the hopes and dreams that we had built together. All the things that I found joy in, seemed meaningless and useless. So much we had shared. We traveled the world together.
I'll always look back with fond memories, and I hope that all her dreams come true. She deserves everything she has - she worked so hard for it and let nothing stand in her way, even me. I was always in awe of her strength, and I came to rely on it. I learned a lot from the time I spent with her, especially that I could care for someone more than myself - unconditionally. While we worked hard to make things work - love wasn't enough.
However, it does me no good to replay the past in my mind. I know that every challenge and struggle that I've faced in my life, there has always been a lesson in it, and I have always come out even stronger.
Looking forward.. Onward...
Our parting was difficult - she chose a career as a big shot corporate lawyer in London which put us continents apart, and slowly but surely things changed over the course of a year. It was a very difficult period for me - can't put into words how painful it was to let go of all the hopes and dreams that we had built together. All the things that I found joy in, seemed meaningless and useless. So much we had shared. We traveled the world together.
I'll always look back with fond memories, and I hope that all her dreams come true. She deserves everything she has - she worked so hard for it and let nothing stand in her way, even me. I was always in awe of her strength, and I came to rely on it. I learned a lot from the time I spent with her, especially that I could care for someone more than myself - unconditionally. While we worked hard to make things work - love wasn't enough.
However, it does me no good to replay the past in my mind. I know that every challenge and struggle that I've faced in my life, there has always been a lesson in it, and I have always come out even stronger.
Looking forward.. Onward...
FAS/FAZ roulette action
Purchased FAS at 2.45 on March 6th, and held to sell on March 12 at 4.50. I was happy with the trade, even though FAS closed at over $5 that day.
I purchased a decent chunk of FAZ in exchange @45.5 - a VERY stupid trade in hindsight, but I was hoping for a little pull back after such a big a run up. I held overnight, and sold today at 40.14 right at the end of the session to take a loss of $402, but my profits from FAS still leave me on top for the past week. If you're wondering why I didn't sell when it jumped during lunch, I was at a work event and so I couldn't adjust my limit order which was set at @46 - a tad too high. I find it very difficult commiting to a stop loss target with FAS/FAZ since they are so volatile, so I tend to set a higher limit.
Anyhow, Bernanke is giving an interview on Sunday night, which could make it an ugly Monday for shorts. I don't know how much higher we can go, but I don't have my rally hat on yet. The banks are saying they are making money - but their balance sheets are still a disaster. Even if there is new guidance for the application of M2M, and a reinstatement of the uptick rule, the US economy will continue to deteriorate.
In hindsight, the lesson of this trade, is NEVER to buy on impulse. I should have been more patient - and not let the earlier profits tempt me to enter a risky trade. While I've been lucky to catch a few intraday reversals, it's not worth the risk. Just gotta learn to sit it out sometimes and stay out.
I purchased a decent chunk of FAZ in exchange @45.5 - a VERY stupid trade in hindsight, but I was hoping for a little pull back after such a big a run up. I held overnight, and sold today at 40.14 right at the end of the session to take a loss of $402, but my profits from FAS still leave me on top for the past week. If you're wondering why I didn't sell when it jumped during lunch, I was at a work event and so I couldn't adjust my limit order which was set at @46 - a tad too high. I find it very difficult commiting to a stop loss target with FAS/FAZ since they are so volatile, so I tend to set a higher limit.
Anyhow, Bernanke is giving an interview on Sunday night, which could make it an ugly Monday for shorts. I don't know how much higher we can go, but I don't have my rally hat on yet. The banks are saying they are making money - but their balance sheets are still a disaster. Even if there is new guidance for the application of M2M, and a reinstatement of the uptick rule, the US economy will continue to deteriorate.
In hindsight, the lesson of this trade, is NEVER to buy on impulse. I should have been more patient - and not let the earlier profits tempt me to enter a risky trade. While I've been lucky to catch a few intraday reversals, it's not worth the risk. Just gotta learn to sit it out sometimes and stay out.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Hello World
Hello visitor.
After dithering for a while about whether I would commit to actually maintaining a blog - here I am. My purpose to is blog as as a catharsis, and also as a tool for personal development. If my daily struggles can serve as some entertainment, or even shadenfreude for your amusement, that's even better. Have a seat, get yourself a coffee, and be my guest.
I'm an ERP consultant by day, and wannabe swing trader sometime in-between.
Here's my Hello World to the world wide Interwebs.
After dithering for a while about whether I would commit to actually maintaining a blog - here I am. My purpose to is blog as as a catharsis, and also as a tool for personal development. If my daily struggles can serve as some entertainment, or even shadenfreude for your amusement, that's even better. Have a seat, get yourself a coffee, and be my guest.
I'm an ERP consultant by day, and wannabe swing trader sometime in-between.
Here's my Hello World to the world wide Interwebs.
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